Bard / Stage Performances
Here is a selection of performances from throughout the realm. Please do come see us all live and in person. The acts are even more vivid when performed right before your very eyes!
Necro's Philia, Act II
Here are all the wonderful folks who made it possible to bring this play to the people of Sable.
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A thick burgundy velvet curtain hangs across the stage, completely
concealing anything that might be behind it.
Welcome to the theater ladies and gentlemen! Please take advntage of the
playbills being sold in the gallery. They recap Part 1 and introduce the
cast. The play will begin as soon as we sort out a few last costume
difficulties.
Suddenly hundreds of torches placed around the auditorium light up as one
as the curtains part, illuminating the set in all its glory.
A stoney cavern, both dank and dimly lit. The only source of light
streams in from the left; the setting obviously located just at the
cave's entrance. The rock walls glisten with droplets of moisture
as they collect on occasional patches of green and brown moss, and
form into small pools upon the floor.
{*} Narrator enters the stage from the left.
-> {*} Narrator stands off to one side
{*} Crog enters the stage from the right.
{*} Philia enters the stage from the right.
-> {*} Crog grunts and pulls the woman along behind him
-> {*} Philia wiggles her way down the passage flaunting parts you wish you
hadn't seen, while eyeing Crog's fine orcen bottom and licking her greenish
lips.
{*} Philia says, "I can't believe I came down here with you."
{*} Philia says, "Tell me what I'll get when we're through."
-> {*} Crog turns his back away and makes adjustments in the crotch area
-> {*} Crog turns back
{*} Crog says, "Me feed you rats"
{*} Crog says, "Me steal you hats"
{*} Crog says, "Me give you fur"
{*} Crog says, "Me say, keep HER!!!!!"
-> {*} Crog jabs a finger toward Philia
-> {*} Philia jiggles all three of her breasts in a most unalluring manner.
Kaploingaploinga!
-> {*} Crog grunts
{*} Philia says, "You're an ugly brute, now that is true,"
{*} Philia says, "But Oh, I am so horny--you will do!"
{*} Philia says, "Tonight, since I see you're not an elf"
{*} Philia says, "You won't be playing with yourself"
A loud whistle echoes from backstage. Check ... him ... out!
{*} Crog says, "Even though me short and stout"
{*} Crog says, "Some things are big without doubt"
-> {*} Crog smears a hand across his lips then wipes the spittle on his shirt
{*} Crog says, "She say show me how??"
{*} Crog says, "Me say, show me how NOW!!"
-> {*} Crog roars and beats on his chest.
-> {*} Crog picks the woman up, flings her over his shoulder and carries her
off.
{*} Philia leaves the stage.
{*} Crog leaves the stage.
-> {*} Narrator speaks in a gutteral and creaky voice...
{*} Narrator says, "We all know an orc loves a horrendous feature"
{*} Narrator says, "So the nasty brute took this hideous creature"
{*} Narrator says, "Hideously beautiful in his sight"
{*} Narrator says, "Back to his bed for a frolicking night"
-> {*} Narrator pauses momentarily...
A rather loud creaking sound fills the entire auditorium, followed by a
rhythmic thump thump thump, which is punctuated by the occasional scream of
pleasure.
From far off the voice of Philia calls out "Oops! That part wasn't supposed
to come off!"
{*} Narrator says, "But Momma had seen the two"
{*} Narrator says, "And as she watched, her rage grew and grew."
{*} Narrator says, "Or she would lose her son to the undead, ahem, lady"
{*} Narrator says, "An undead certainly cannot make a baby"
{*} Helga enters the stage.
{*} Crog enters the stage.
{*} Philia enters the stage.
-> {*} Helga stares at Crog, completely aghast
-> {*} Helga gestures wildly as she speaks:
{*} Helga says, "Oh no! Oh no!"
{*} Helga says, "That she must go!"
{*} Crog says, "Me say she STAY."
{*} Helga says, "She stay no way!"
-> {*} Helga whacks Crog over the head with her rolling pin, giving off a
resounding *THUD*
-**THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD**-
You hear an echo from far off, "Udd... ud.. ud"
-> {*} Helga grabs Crog by the ear, and with a good hard twist pulls him away
from Philia
-> {*} Philia picks a large bit of an unknown green vegetable from between the
gap in teeth as she bats her lashes at Crog
-> {*} Crog rubs at his head
{*} Helga says, "She stay? No how!"
{*} Helga says, "ME say go now!"
{*} Helga says, "She makes no brats!"
{*} Helga says, "She hog all gnats!"
{*} Narrator says, "This is true, I think."
{*} Narrator says, "She certainly does stink!"
-> {*} Crog snuffles with his snout at Philia
{*} Crog says, "Me love she smell"
{*} Crog says, "Gnats too, think swell"
{*} Helga says, "No son of mine keep whore"
{*} Helga says, "Or he be son no more"
{*} Philia throws a slimy green piece of half chewed food at {*} Helga!
{*} Philia's a slimy green piece of half chewed food smacks {*} Helga hard
in the right arm!
-> {*} Helga pulls the vegetable from her face, and popping it in her mouth
chews angrily
{*} Helga says, "Her only good to let you score"
{*} Helga says, "Now you know how, no need no more."
{*} Philia says, "Oh Aether! I don't need this domestic dispute!"
{*} Philia says, "I'll just go find another brute."
{*} Philia says, "Another creature of decrepit tissues"
{*} Philia says, "Who won't be concerned about such issues."
-> {*} Philia stomps off to begin her search for a man not tied to his mother's
apron strings
{*} Narrator leaves the stage.
{*} Philia leaves the stage.
{*} Crog roars in a rage and grabbing at his crotch runs off
{*} Crog leaves the stage.
{*} Helga hurls her rolling pin after Crog
{*} Helga leaves the stage.
The curtains on the stage slowly draw to a close.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Thank you all for joining us for Philia's latest adventure with the orcs.
Be sure too keep an eye out (and then put it back in) for the future
adventures of Philia and her ... friends.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Second Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section A.
{*} Helga enters the stage from the left.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
{*} Helga says, "Thank you, one and all! Playing the part of Crog was the
bard's own Jasric."
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Jasric enters the stage from the right.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Jasric bows with a grand flourish
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
{*} Helga says, "Narrating this tale was done by that kestrel bard, Kerrin!"
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Kerrin enters the stage from the left.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
-> Kerrin bows with a graceful flourish of his wings.
{*} Helga says, "The role of Philia acted out by our own esteemed
guildmaster, Thalia!"
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Thalia enters the stage from the right.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section A.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
-> Thalia curtseys gracefully
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
{*} Helga says, "Stage effects and costume design, all the work of Aelyn!"
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Aelyn enters the stage from the left.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
-> Aelyn grins as she curtseys gracefully
{*} Helga says, "Ushering, drinks, and all other helpful whatnot
accomplished by Kem!"
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Kem enters the stage from the right.
Kem swishes his tail about happily.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
{*} Helga says, "And the part of Helga, done by myself, Kaith."
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
-> {*} Helga bows with a flourish.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Thalia says, "Kaith was also the director of this episode of The Necro's
Philia"
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
{*} Helga says, "This play was originally scripted out by the bard Elidia,
who is not present tonight. Thank you all for coming!"
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from Second Maenianam - Section B.
{*} Helga says, "And be on the lookout for more installments."
-> Kerrin bows to each section of the audience in turn
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section A.
-> Thalia curtseys one last time before leaving the stage
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
-> Jasric bows once more and sweeps off the stage
Kaith leaves the stage.
Thalia leaves the stage.
Jasric leaves the stage.
Aelyn leaves the stage.
Kerrin leaves the stage.