Bard / Stage Performances
Here is a selection of performances from throughout the realm. Please do come see us all live and in person. The acts are even more vivid when performed right before your very eyes!
Necro's Philia, Act I
Here are all the wonderful folks who made it possible to bring this play to the people of Sable.
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A lab in the dusty, old attic of the necromancer's house. On a
table in the center of the attic lies a woman made of body parts sewn
together. A metal band encircles her head and it's connected to a lightning
rod that extends up through the roof of the attic. Spare body parts litter
the floor. On a shelf behind the necromancer is a row of brains, neatly
labeled and stored in jars.
(*) The Narrator (standing off to one side)
{*} Caleed, a stodgy old necromancer
{*} Igor, a disgusting, hunchbacked little man
{*} Philia, a slightly moldy wench
labratory table
lightning rod
brain of housewife in jar
brain of whore in a jar
Thank you for joining us for the first in a unique approach to theater.
This is part 1 of a serial play about Phila and her friends. The bard's
have gone all out on this production so be sure to check out the props and
the costumes!
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
-> {*} Narrator speaks in a droll and creepy voice...
{*} Narrator says, "On the seedy side of Sable there is a house"
{*} Narrator says, "Where no creature is safe, not even a mouse."
{*} Narrator says, "A warped old necromnacer lives there."
{*} Narrator says, "A creepy dude with crazy hair."
-> {*} Caleed leans over the table, needle in hand.
-> {*} Caleed peers intently as he sews the body together.
-> {*} Caleed quickly drops the needle midstich as he lurches for a nearby
tankard of ale, draining half of it at once.
{*} Caleed says, "Igor! Quick now an arm and a leg!"
{*} Caleed says, "And don't forget my refill from the keg."
(*) Igor enters the stage from the right.
-> {*} Igor shuffles in looking agitated and covered in grime and filth from
digging up body parts.
-> {*} Igor shuffles along, dragging one leg behind him and muttering to
himself.
-> {*} Igor grumbles, "I'm tired of digging in the ground"
{*} Igor says, "Like some old flea bit hound."
{*} Caleed says, "I want a wench to cook and be my maid."
{*} Caleed says, "Clean my house and maybe she'll get laid."
{*} Igor says, "Whiskey is sour, mead is sweet"
{*} Igor says, "Here's a lovely maiden's feet."
{*} Caleed says, "I'm almost finished, I'm almost there"
{*} Caleed says, "I need some hooters and bring a spare."
-> {*} Igor grumbles very loudly
{*} Igor says, "Get a leg! Now get a heart!"
{*} Igor says, "I'm tired of working for this old fart."
-> {*} Narrator rolls eyes and speaks sarcastically...
{*} Narrator says, "This is original. It's never been done."
{*} Narrator says, "Creating a woman in a lab is fun!"
{*} Narrator says, "He's gonna use lighning to bring her to life."
{*} Narrator says, "One good zap and he'll have his wife."
{*} Igor crosses to the shelf behind the necromancer.
{*} Igor glances over the shelf and then looks at something written on his
hand.
{*} Igor scratches his head looking stupid, then glancing to see if the
necromancer is watching, scratches his crotch too.
{*} Igor says, "It's written here on my palm"
{*} Igor says, "Just grab a brain and stay calm."
{*} Igor sighs loudly
{*} Igor moans and rubs at his temples.
{*} Igor says, "Oh my head! Drinking all that stout"
{*} Igor says, "makes it hard to figure this out."
{*} Caleed waltzes briskly about the room with piece of a torso
{*} Caleed bursts out into song, both loud and painfully off-key
{*} Caleed sings, "Her eyes are red, her lips are blue,"
{*} Caleed sings, "I'll be glad when this is through."
{*} Caleed sings, "I'm tired of living in this mess."
{*} Caleed sings, "My little maid will be the best!"
{*} Igor finishes studying his hand and grabs the jar with HOUSEWIFE on it.
{*} Caleed sings, "One leg is longer than the other."
{*} Caleed sings, "The left one's not the right one's brother."
{*} Caleed sings, "For hours and hours I've stiched with gut."
{*} Caleed sings, "If you don't like her, kiss my butt! "
Lightning FLASHES!
{*} Igor jumps in fright and the jar slips from his hand.
The brain hits the ground with a *SPLUT*
{*} Igor gasps in horror as he looks down at the shattered jar.
{*} Igor wrings his hands together
{*} Igor says, "Oh great, I dropped the brain!"
{*} Igor says, "All that work down the drain."
{*} Igor says, "Now I'll have to look for more."
{*} Igor says, "Oh wait! Here's one from a whore!"
{*} Igor gives the brain from the jar labelled 'Whore' to the necromancer.
{*} Caleed removes the brain from the jar, oblivious to the switch, and
crams it into the skull forcefully attaching it in place
{*} Caleed says, "Stand back! Stand clear!"
{*} Caleed says, "The time is drawing near."
{*} Caleed says, "A little zap and she'll be here!"
There is a CLAP of thunder and a FLASH of lightning!
{*} Philia flutters her lashes and begins to wakeup.
Lightning travels down the rod and sparks can be seen all around the metal
band encircling the woman's head.
{*} Caleed says, "Igor look! See the sparks around her head?"
{*} Caleed says, "I'll soon make life from what was dead."
{*} Igor looks sneeringly at the woman
{*} Caleed rubs his hands together, cackling gleefully!
{*} Caleed says, "Rejoice now Igor! Our work is done!"
{*} Caleed says, "She's alive, I tell you! Isn't this fun?"
{*} Caleed says, "So beautiful, and sturdy, as all can see."
{*} Caleed says, "Reknown my name in my guild will be!"
{*} Philia wiggles 11 of her 13 toes
{*} Igor mutters under his breath, looking disgusted.
{*} Igor says, "Beautiful he says? That man is blind."
{*} Igor says, "Perhaps after several casks of wine!"
{*} Philia reaches up and pulls the necromancer into a passionate kiss, her
hand roaming down and squeezing his bottom with all eight fingers.
Ewww was that a little tongue?
{*} Caleed pulls back, obviously startled, "I gave you two tongues?!"
{*} Caleed says, "Arise, woman there's work to be done!"
{*} Caleed says, "The kitchen needs cleaning, you'll cook me some buns."
{*} Caleed says, "The bathroom needs scrubbing, an all day affair,"
{*} Caleed says, "My clothes need some mending, I've nothing to wear."
{*} Philia says, "Egads! man you're crazy if you think that I would"
{*} Philia says, "make a round trip to Mortis just to come serve a fool!"
{*} Philia says, "I have lust in my veins now, and vice in my heart,"
{*} Philia says, "So if you want some cleaning, you best make a start!"
{*} Philia hops up from the table with a wiggle, body parts jiggling in the
most unalluring places as seams threaten to burst. She primps her hair
and makes a dash for the door.
{*} Igor looks out the door and shrugs.
{*} Caleed stares after Philia, speechless and completely aghast
{*} Igor shuffles out, dragging a leg behind him.
And that is the tale of Philia's creation. Be sure to watch ofr further
adventures of Philia and her friends!
There is clapping from Second Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
Indroducing the cast of "The Necro's Philia"....
(*) Philia enters.
(*) Igor enters.
(*) Caleed enters.
(*) Narrator enters.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
-> {*} Igor bows so low his hump nearly falls off.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
{*} Philia says, "Give our dashing Narrator and director of special effects,
Kerrin the Wren of Wassail, a hand!"
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section A.
-> {*} Narrator bows with a graceful flourish of his feathered cloak.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
{*} Philia says, "Staring as Caleed the necromancer, was Kaith the
Soliloquist of the Serpent, in his first appearance on stage in Sable!"
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
-> {*} Caleed makes a sweeping bow
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Second Maenianam - Section C.
{*} Philia says, "Starring as Igor was Jasric the wandering minstrel,
making his second appearance on stage!"
-> {*} Igor bows as elegantly as his hump will allow
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
{*} Philia says, "And as Philia, myself, Thalia the Eclogue Nightingale."
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section C.
-> {*} Philia curtseys gracefully
Applause erupts from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Second Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
{*} Philia says, "A speacial thanks to Aelyn the Eventide's Elegist, who
knocked herself out designing our costumes and makeup!"
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
-> {*} Narrator hops around excitedly
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
There is clapping from The Podium.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Aelyn enters the stage from the left.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from The Podium.
-> Aelyn mutters
There is clapping from First Maenianam - Section B.
{*} Philia says, "Although they aren't here I'd like to thank Kijia for
designing the props and my co-writer Dylan."
-> {*} Narrator cheers for Aelyn.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Collonade - Section C.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section B.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from First Maenianam - Section A.
Applause erupts from Collonade - Section B.
There is clapping from Second Maenianam - Section A.