Reporter / Ask Konrad the Barbarian

I ghost penned this column for the Sablean Times quite some time ago, so I feel it is now safe to come clean with this little secret. Writing each issue was a huge amount of fun for me, and I hope for all the readers as well!

Issue #5

                        Ask Konrad the Barbarian

I'm back from my latest jaunt to find a worthy opponent.  I'm
disappointed to report that I couldn't find hide nor scale of that
wyrm Virulent.  You'd think the stench alone would make it easy to find
the bastard.

As always, I'll keep my sword at the ready, just like my advice...

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DEAR KONRAD: I'm not looking to become a full fledged warrior, I just
want to learn a little about wielding a sword so that I might stand at
least a vague chance of defending myself against the recent orc threat
should I need to.  What basics do you suggest I focus on?  --Rubber Arm

DAMMIT, RUBBER: The pointy end goes in the other fellow!

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DEAR KONRAD: Rumor on the street is that you're not a big fan of magic,
but a friend of mine says you're a devoted follower of Calypso. How can
this be?  --Magic Man

DAMMIT, MAN: Have you ever been poked in the tummy by a magICKY sort?
All that finger wiggling makes for some well-toned hands.  That, or
it's all the nose picking.  Either way it won't do 'em any good once
their entire arm's been lopped off.  Tummy poking ranks right about
even with friendly butt slapping, of which I hear the Gossip Queen is
a big fan.  If yer gonna hit someone, make sure ya make an impression.
There's no excuse for limp-wristed tactics.

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DEAR KONRAD: What is best in life?  --Fil O'Softy

DAMMIT, SOFTY: Obviously you haven't read my previous columns, or you'd
know it's wine, women, and weapons!  And, don't give me any crap about
crushing your enemies, yadda, yadda, yadda.  That's implicit in the job
description.  Now get out there and make me proud!

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That's all the advice I have for now.  Send your insignificant
questions and pleas for the wisdom of Konrad via the Post Office to
Editor with a subject of: Ask Konrad.